the anxious parent’s toolbox for a smooth + calm holiday season with feral children

i’m already a homebody kinda human, and now you want to tell me we have to go places and plan things?? hiiiii, cue my anxiety and exhaustion (as a parent of a feral 2 year old and 24 weeks pregnant with our second). especially when those places are not toddler-proofed — like you can find me napping cuz i’m gonna need a hot sec.

with my ADHD and anxiety (talk about a mental health problem, i tell ya), i tend to get overwhelmed spatially and auditory overwhelmed very easily, especially in situations that are unfamiliar. i hate that it takes more energy and intention on my part to try and combat and navigate, but i am a better partner, better parent, better person i am proud of when i can make these things a priority.


these are some things in my “anxious mama” toolbox that i will use all season long when it comes to traveling, attending gatherings, and other festivities that are hard to navigate:

1. loop earplugs | get 15% off!
   i do not leave the house without my loops earplugs — these are my biggest overstimulation tool that i stand by!!! especially when hanging with my husband’s Mexican American family, there are a lot of them and they are, how do you say, NOT QUIET AT ALL 😂 i can still hear everything that is going on around me, but the volume is taken down. this allows me to sit in myself, calm my anxiety on a quicker level, and most often, no one even notices i’m wearing them.
   
   
2. magnesium calming supplement | purchase on Amazon here (affiliate link)
   magnesium itself has so many benefits, and i’m using a lot of this for an easier pregnancy (but this can seriously apply to anyone) — nervous system regulation (aka calming my emotions and body down), sleep support, muscle repair and migraine/headache support over the long term. i’ve been using this magnesium stress support supplement drink (linked above) for at least the past 2 years, and whenever i feel the anxiety come a little more forward in my life, or feel irritated, i reach for a scoop of this in some water. again, it takes the edge off and helps me manage my emotions and mental health just a little bit better.
   
   
3. manage my expectations
   okay bear with me for just a little bit. my son Revan is wild and feral, like literally look up the word “chaos” in the dictionary, and you’ll see a photo of his adorable little monster face. as much as i try to plan the cutest adventures, the sweetest memory-making traditions for our family — you know this baby is gonna be focused for about 15 minutes and then try to eat the paint off the ornaments while painting.
   
   i know unfortunately this season isn’t going to be picture-perfect like we see all over Pinterest or Instagram. my expectation is if i feel present, and if my kid is happy and safe? OMG LET’S GO 👏🏼 can you tell i’m a Type B human? but really, if i am hyping my family up to act how i expect them to respond, instead of their human selves — i am dong my own mental health a disservice. and honestly, it’s almost fun for me to see the humanness in these adventures and traditions. it makes for some really amazing connections with our people, and i’m personally exhausted from the idea of “perfection”, idk about you.
   
   
4. speak your boundaries out loud
   hiiiii eldest daughter, anxious human and recovering people pleaser here 🙋🏼 i’m still learning to undo a lot of what i grew up with that is no longer serving me. and let me be the first to say that this is incredibly hard. but if a situation is going to make you uncomfortable, it is time to speak up and place a boundary or offer an alternate solution. your mental and physical well-being is important, too. gosh, especially if you are in charge of littles and their care as well!!
   
   if you have a partner, i think it is also really important that you come together as a team and make decisions and set boundaries as a complete unit. especially if there are frictions between in-laws (when i asked my community in my instagram stories about what they were anxious about during the holidays, and you bet there were concerns about managing family dynamics). how it usually works in our family — i am the go-between for my extended family and communicating our needs, and the same with my husband and his family. this keeps it as civil as possible, and sets the tone for what your partnership and littles may need for the event or festivities planned!
   
   some examples of boundaries that might come up in the holiday gatherings —
   
   • omg let me hold my baby!!! — “thank you so much for wanting to be close to him! to prevent overwhelm in this new situation with so many people, we are going to babywear him for this gathering. you can say hi to him right here!”
     
   • you’re still breastfeeding? but she’s over a year, it’s not even beneficial anymore — “the newest research is saying that isn’t in fact true, and this is not up for discussion. we have an incredible care team that is helping us with this decision to extend nursing.”
     
   • we’re doing thanksgiving at a restaurant 3 hours away, bring the newborn baby! — “no, this isn’t something we are interested in attending this year, thank you for the invite!”

what else would you add to this list? what else am i missing to help make the holiday season more magical and calm?

xoxo, Bethany

Certified Lactation Counselor

Your Overproducing Exclusively Pumping Mama